Thoughts on Home

Recently, the news had opted to focus all of its attention on a little country that means even less: North Korea. Such a relic! Its military is from the 1970s and its ideology from the 1950s, but its shame is definitely still present. Despite there being not a single shred of evidence that North Korea can A) hit the United States with a nuclear bomb; B) successfully mount a military campaign to invade Candyland or C) feed its own people, everyone outside of South Korea was worried about North Korea.

This. This is what North Korea loses to. Princess Lolly is going to fuck you up!!!!

Well, I’m glad that the American government felt that Secretary of State John Kerry needed to come out and personally apply pressure on China/appear with Pak Geun-Hye to resolve this situation. I’m sure some backroom deal was brokered to pacify everything. What I’m really confused about is why the American media feels the need to over-sensationalize every— wait. Wait. Never mind. I just answered my own stupid question. If anyone wanted to think about the situation calmly and rationally it would go something like this:

“Well, North Korea is making threats and using a lot of confrontational rhetoric. What does this mean?”
“Hmm. Let me think. It is a country that has recently just been sanctioned by the U.N. This is relevant for two reasons: 1) China, perhaps N. Korea’s last significant ally and the regional hegemon, supported the sanctions and 2) North Korea is angry because it has even fewer resources to continue its existence.”
“Wow. I didn’t know that. Go on.”
“Of course, Courteous Counterpart. North Korea feels backed into a corner and is a little paranoid, so it reacting the same way a 5 year old child does when Daddy takes away rights to the cookie jar and Mommy actually agrees with Daddy instead of indulging the little fat bastard: a small tantrum. Now let me ask you a question – are you scared of a five year old throwing a tempter tantrum?”
“No. A five-year old is too weak to really hurt anyone.”
“Exactly. North Korea is the same. It is too weak to really decide to try and cross the world’s most heavily fortified border to face a military with a huge qualitative edge that is backed by the most powerful country in the world and probably 90% of the world in general. Even assuming a missile launch or some other form of action towards South Korea, North Korea would be finished within a week. Ergo, nothing will happen and North Korea is just trying to call attention to itself (and maybe Kim Jong-Eun is trying to cement his leadership, using any resulting aid-deals or concessions as victory points).”

(Short of going into a political science diatribe on what constitutes a state and what characteristics/behavior are common to all states, I’m going to stop this dialogue.)

Wow. Wasn’t that succinct? Do we really need to over sensationalize all of— ah crap! I did it again. I tried thinking logically when all the major news sources care about is getting somewhere between 10-70% of the information correct in direct inverse proportion to how quickly they can release it and increase viewership considering most Americans are stupid sensationalist-loving excuses of intellectual creations. Oh, that brings me to another, more recent and more tragic event.

Boston holds a very special place in my life. I am a dyed-in-the-womb die-hard Red Sox fan. I have more Bosox clothing/Boston clothing than anything else in my wardrobe (I just checked). I love the feel of the city, the way it’s laid out (much better than NY), the architecture, the history, and so many other things about it. I love that Boston is an intellectual city (MIT, Harvard, BU, BC, Berklee, Emerson, etc.) and a blue-collar salty city. Boston is New England’s city. The Beacon on a Hill. The Home of the Fens… It’s not the financial center like NY, it’s not the political center, like D.C., it’s kind of a lower-Ivy of American cities – storied history and full of great accomplishments, but it’s not a giant. That’s partly why I was so shocked when I awoke the other day, opened my news and saw “Breaking News: Boston Marathon explosions…” Explosions that have left 3 dead and over 150 wounded.

Lindz’s quick drawing about Boston’s spirit. I thought I’d share this

As much as I cannot understand why whoever perpetrated this act chose Boston, the Marathon, or even chose to do this in general, I also cannot understand two other related aspects – the news coverage and the American reaction. For my feelings on the news coverage, see the above Korean discussion about over-sensationalizing news for intellectually deficient Americans. Before I continue, I want to offer a little parallel. 1 year and 11 months ago I was in another conflict-lodestone of our world – Jerusalem. I was studying abroad in Israel after being evacuated from Cairo and the Egyptian chapter of the Arab Spring and had agreed to join my friend in running the 1st official Jerusalem Marathon. Two days before the marathon, some unidentified individuals (Hamas claimed responsibility and two individuals of another militant group are currently awaiting trial for their involvement) placed a bomb at a bus stop – killing one woman and wounding 39 more. There was speculation that this was a precursor of an even larger effort to be made at the marathon. I very much remember the fear at that time. I remember how, even in such an ever-stressed and contested state, there was that little edge of nervousness. An uncertainty as to whether or not something worse would happen. However, that nervousness was mitigated by the underlying belief that life must be enjoyed to its fullest – don’t let somebody else’s maybe prevent you from achieving your definite happiness. A lot of people from home and from Haifa University told the group of us going down to run in Jerusalem that we should stay home because it could be too dangerous. Most of us replied with “Why?” I distinctly recall feeling that you have to keep experiencing life. If you let others dictate how you are going to live and make your choices for you, then you aren’t living your life any more. Someone else is. Reflecting on that sentiment now, I begin to get a little more curious: what course of action did the Tsarnaev brothers (if they are the perpetrators) intend to force American lives into? What are they crying out for? What change are they hoping to affect? Who is trying to change how people live – were they by themselves or part of a group or is it all a conspiracy? I’m not asking these questions so that we can get the quick answer that sets everything neatly into our black and white worlds and we can go target the “individuals responsible.”

As you can see, my first thoughts aren’t what you typically see on the news or on your facebook feed. That brings me to my point about the American reaction. I was astounded by the number of posts I saw – both on news feeds and social media sites – that were some derivative of “DON’T F&^* WITH BOSTON!!! WE ARE GOING TO F***ING KILL YOUUUUUU!” or “AMERICA! GOD BLESS US!!!! F*** YOU YOU F**** SDI(R$Y*G REW*G(*GF # *)G WE’RE GOING TO KILL YOUUUUUU!” So many people beat their breasts and thumped their feet to the tune of violence and anger that I was reminded of a five year old with a hammer (see the similarity to the N. Korea story we talked about earlier?). You are angry and you think the best thing to do is swing your hammer about because you want to crush the thing that makes you angry. Let me tell you a little allegorical scenario: A little boy is playing with some dogs and puppies in a room. The boy is clearly not too smart, a little obese, and his mommy does whatever she can to make him happy or else he gets angry and swings his hammer (see where this is going yet?). The boy believes that play time involves pinching, biting, pulling, and otherwise hurting the dogs and puppies. But again, this little boy is too stupid to recognize that he may be a little too rough. Eventually, one of the dogs bites the boy because it was hurt too many times. The boy swings his hammer and cripples the dog. He goes back to playing. Another dog bites the boy after he hurt it too much. The boy swings his hammer and kills a different dog by accident. The boy goes back to playing and the cycle repeats. Not once during his play time does the boy ever wonder why the dogs are biting him, he just responds by swinging his hammer and doing the same thing. Do you get the moral of the story?

For some context: There are very, very, very few times you should ever wish someone dead. There are very, very, very few times you should voice that thought out loud. In my opinion, you should never ever combine the desire to wish someone dead with blind anger and nationalism. That is an incredibly heady brew, intoxicating in its consumption, that can actually create a critical mass if joined with other like-minded individuals or groups. The readiness with which so many people sprang to display their callous hate, nationalist righteous anger, and a desire for violence to the world is sickening. It was revolting to witness. I was disgusted, disappointed, and a little ashamed that many people I grew up with, those I consider dear friends, and such a seemingly large portion of the country all felt that this was the appropriate reaction to this situation. Maybe it is because my first reaction is to ask questions and get more information. Not call for blood. Maybe this comes from my viewpoint while outside America, as it was in May 2011 when I saw the same thing while in Israel regarding Osama Bin Laden’s death. Maybe I’m disgusted because I know that whatever caused the individuals to go to such lengths that they bombed a finish line at a marathon is not going to end with their deaths. Maybe it is because I would rather search for a way so that this will not happen again from any other person, rather than being so short-sighted as to only think of the here and now. Or maybe I am wrong/too idealistic.

In other news, my fantasy baseball team is not doing well, my real Red Sox team is, and I’m glad that most of my friends that I’ve gotten updates from are all safe, sound, and striving to achieve their dreams. Keep a steady hand on the tiller and sail for that horizon.

Haesindang Park

That is a stone penis with ‘Haesindang Park” carved into the shaft. Yes, this is Korea.

A.K.A. Penis Park.

On Easter weekend I went for quite the enjoyable trip to Eastern ROK for some fun at the Haesindang park. Joining Lindsey, Lindsey’s visiting friend Tom, Heather, Behlen, and her friend Candice, I went to Donghae to experience another city, see the Haesindang park, and perhaps stay the night in a jjim-jil bang. I was quite excited because I actually had seen Haesindang in a Cracked article I read a few weeks before my flight (It’s #3). Now, for those of you who want to know all of the gory details:

There is a legend in the city of Sinnam, South Korea that there was once a young couple soon to marry. However, one day while the woman was out picking seaweed (or doing something on a rock in the ocean, the accounts differ), a strong storm came and killed her before her soon-to-be-husband’s eyes. Soon after, the local fishing industry began to wither – which was blamed on the dead woman’s vengeful spirit. As any logical and in no way simply-blubbering-for-an-excuse-for-his-heinous-crime-when-caught-by-the-police man would, an upstanding gentleman/fisherman masturbated into the sea and the fish returned. It was about that time people made the conclusion that the spirit must have been appeased by the offering – something she hadn’t had in life. So, instead of having scores of men make a penis-pilgrimage to Sinnam for public play, they simply created a bunch of phallic objects in a park by the sea and emphatically stated that these objects are “same-same” in pleasing the spirit. Hooray penis statues!

Noraebong on a train?! Oh yeah!

Before you get to see any more pictures, I want to start with some foreplay. To get to the city where we would begin our exploration, we had to take a train. This was my first time on a Korean train! So excited. I was not disappointed. As you can see, that is a noraebong booth on the train. Sure, it only sits two people and everyone in the snack car can hear you, but that’s what life is about! Oh, and the snack car is totally chill with selling you alcohol you can drink back in your seat. Not sure if you can do that in America since I rarely go on trains back home, but seriously. Get on that. Everyone would ride trains more often if they were like Korean trains (and if America was the size of Korea and had a nationally subsidized railroad service… oh wait).

Well, after an awesome 4 hour train ride, we finally got to Donghae (which still makes me laugh – a penis park near donghae! GAH!). It turns out that the park is nowhere near Donghae, so we had to take several buses and wait several more hours, during which the anticipation continued to rise unabated. Finally, full of emotion and expectant of our momentous release, we made it to the park. We got to see so many things and very artistically interpreted penises. Here, let me show you mine (you don’t have to reciprocate).

The first dicks of the day.

Penis benches for your reclining pleasure.

Even their trees start in the phallic form.

Chinese Zodiac ensconced in penises.

Lindsey and Heather enjoying a crouching penis (where’s the dragon?)

Lindsey helps tell the legend

That dog sure is creepy… a stern warning about man’s best friend seeing all.

Weird.

The artistic creations stand at attention overlooking the harbor

A cannon. I thought you only cocked pistols and rifles…

Lindsey and Heather straddling a bronze phallus with a Korean in the middle

Penis wind chimes.

Penis fence-posts and the shrine where you can leave suggestive offerings to the spirit.

That rock in the distance is where she died.

So that’s the park! Of course we were making dick jokes and sexual innuendos the whole time. It was quite the pleasant 1.5 hour experience.

After the park, we headed back to Donghae for some noraebong and drinking with Heather’s friend Mike who lives in Donghae and some of his friends. It was a great time had by all. To cap it all off, we spent Easter evening in a jjim-jil bang. Or, as Lindsey said: a jimmy-bang. It’s basically a combination hostel and spa where you pay 7 or 8 bucks, get a change of clothes and a locker. Then you strip down and go into some saunas or hot tubs (naked, divided by gender) where you relax. Or, if you are Korean, throw one leg up on a chair and use a hair dryer on your nether regions. Because that is what everyone wants to see(especially still drunk at 9AM on Easter morning): you airing your wrinkly, saggy, manhood and friends. After that, you change into the given shorts and shirt and go sleep on the floor in a windowless room with around 100 of your never-met best friends who snore like demons. Yay. I’m glad I did it, because it was an experience, but it probably isn’t going to happen again.

The next day we went to the Muryeung Valley. It is the self-titled “Grand Canyon” of Korea. However, as the Muryeung Valley is a valley, not a canyon, is not in the desert, and is much smaller, I fail to see the comparison. The reason we went to the valley is to engage in a nice, leisurely stroll to a Buddhist temple:

A nice stream to walk beside.

This rock in the middle of the stream was imprinted with Hanja characters (Sino-Korean writing).

Artsy pic of the wall.

The main part of the temple.

Buddhist bells are awesome.

Not a bad trip. I don’t think the temple was any different from the 101 others, but it was nice to see and a good place to just reflect on Easter. After that, we got back on a train and headed home to Cheongju! Woohoo! Success!

Life Update

Well, hey there. I seem to recall that we were in the midst of a conversation before I so rudely took my leave so un-announced. It appears that I must once again apologize for my disappearance, but segue into an observation: I have a tendency to write in one month cycles. I go 3 or 4 weeks without any writing pangs, but then I try to divest myself of as many written words as possible. Luckily for us, I have many many things that I have neglected to write to you about, which means we shan’t quickly tire of our re-connection. I’ll tell you all the details about everything I’ve been up to in the past few months, but first I will give you a few personal updates so you’ll know the end game of my previous few months’ experiences. (Disclaimer, these are not ranked in any order of importance, they are simply the order in which I remember them)

*Achem!* Perhaps of most recent newsworthy note, I have joined the ranks of the technologically literate (self-deludingly so) with the purchase, acquisition, and use of a new iPad 4. Ohhhh my goodness. I primarily use it to read books (I read the Picture of Dorian Gray right off and have moved onto “Starfish” by Peter Watts, as per Lindsay’s recommendation), however I have also found some fun games, use it for videos and flashcards in class, Skype with better camera resolution than my computer, and multitask by watching videos on it while I play games on my computer. Ah, the life of a first-world, white male and his fascination with gadgets that are merely redundancies (see Galaxy SIII and laptop computer). I dropped a pretty penny for this titillating tablet, seeing as Apple has a limited presence here in Korea, but I feel that it will pay off greatly in the end.

I have survived seven months here in Cheongju, ROK, and I A) have not been detained for public indecency B) killed a student C) been unduly tortured* by my students D) have not once been accused of corrupting public morals E) have not caught yellow fever F) or any other malicious disease G) have not started WWIII H) have not been asked to be the next Supreme Leader of North Korea I) have enjoyed some delicious crepes and baked goods at Oh La La** J) have yet to go to Busan or a beach, K) have consistently failed at budgeting my time L) started the “Insanity” workouts in preparation for warm weather M) finally made it to the roof of the Avalon building for some pre-class sunshine N) have felt the crushing weight of hopelessness regarding “What am I going to do with my life?” O) got an invitation to my High School 5-year reunion P) and promptly felt confused because WHAT?! IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS?!?!?!! Q) have felt immense pride in my sister for kicking butt down at Vandy S) have been shocked – pleasantly so – by how my brother is doing at Elon T) have missed my parents, not that I’ll ever tell them U) have gained a new appreciation for literally every single teacher/professor who taught me*** V) have re-discovered the joy of letting loose and hamming it up when singing W) have utterly failed at learning Korean X) realized I want to stay a kid a little longer Y) have met some of the best people in the world who are totally devoted to their dreams/travels/jobs Z) have 7 more months to enjoy!

*Point C is qualified since “unduly tortured” is a subjective term

**Point I mentions Oh La La: a fantastic bakery of cupcakes, crepes, and brownies that will soon make me fat and broke

*** Ms. Barlow, Mrs. Volpe, Ms. Merrill, Ms. Hughes, Ms. Hincks, Mrs. Hadfield, Mrs. McKenna, Mr. Terry, Mrs. Meyers & Mrs. Dunstan & Sra. Rochefort & Mrs. Hammond & Mrs. Pierce & Mr. Scott & Mr. Dion & Sra. Hook & Ms. Pavone & Ms. Buffan & Ms. Cancel & Mr. Stabile, Mrs. Izzo & Mr. Kenney & Mrs. Bucci & Mr. George & Ms. Lavoie & Ms. Amelotte & Sr. Mac & Sra. Chavez & Srta. O’Day & Mr. Collins & Ms. Schnacky & Mr. Lenox & Mr. Carniaux & Mrs. Mallozzi & Ms. Shaw & Ms. Parish & Mr. Petrucci & Mr. Downey & Ms. Harvey, Profs. Short & Swimelar & Morgan & Colbert & Taylor & Harmann & Brumbaugh & Ustatha Shereen & Sorensen & Digre & Crowe & Cockerell & Moreau & De Brigard & Allocco & TSaw & Lee & Lee & Hlavaty & Lily & Mor & Morris & Landau & Ustatha Jaldeti (Apologies if I’ve forgotten anyone)

I’ve sent home enough money to cover my loans for the next 9 months, which means I can now spend money with reckless abandon and still not have angry creditors! This does wonders for the psyche and promises to greatly improve my anemic social life. Well, actually, it may not do much of anything since I have my iPad, my computer and work. At the very least, I already feel more inclined to take expensive trips to experience Korea!

It’s starting to get warmer here in Korea, which means that Summer is nearly upon us! A magical time of warm sun, constant sweating, and the looming typhoon season! Yay! I’m hoping that the warm weather will help get my lazy butt in gear and go running again/get in shape. Even if it doesn’t, I look forward to post-work relaxation sessions in the park or outside the local quicky mart.

Otherwise, I’m trying. My life is settling into a nice groove/routine and I’ll soon be a little more complete when Lindsay gets over here. I’m happy because I’m still in a new place. Yes, Korea is incredibly frustrating and seemingly contradictory/paradoxical, but it’s still fun to get tripped up by the cultural gap. This gap hasn’t gone away yet. I still find new things every day. Yes, sometimes I try to find them and sometimes I try to pry them open until I fall in. It’s a mad world and if you don’t laugh at the insanity, you’re liable to wind up seriously in trouble. I am trying to figure out how I am going to live my life after my contract is done and I honestly cannot say for certain whether this has helped me decide my future. What I do know is that I have a bunch of kids who I need to focus on as much as possible. I’m not going to win any Teacher of the Year awards and I’m probably an Average Teacher at best, but I’m trying. You know that phrase “you don’t get points for trying?” I just want to say that you may not get “points,” but you can get better. Ustatha Shereen always told us that life was about living/trying/doing with good feelings and positive thoughts, which create expanding bubbles of positivity that link with others’ bubbles and so forth until good things happen. I’m trying, Ustatha Shereen. That’s where I’m at: I’m trying.

That’s the news from Cheongju-si. Where all the teachers are strong, all the cafes are full, and all the children defy the average. Don’t worry about us, North Korea isn’t doing anything.