A Brief review of November

If you get this, you’re a nerd. If you don’t, go to amazon.com and buy every single Steven Erikson book, wait for them to arrive, read them all, then come back and read the first paragraph of this post again and appreciate it…

Before the previous post extolling my regrets in search of pardons, I was so closed-hearted, closed-minded, and distant as to have not posted in over two months. The indecency of it all! And not once did anyone remind me that I hadn’t, The affrontery of it all! As such, I can only conclude that either your esteem of myself had fallen so far as to refuse ackowledgment of my mere existence, or you were so grateful for the cessation of my seemingly interminable ordure that you deigned to ignore it in hopes that it wouldn’t restart. Well! I accept a challenge and, like a resurgence of a cold late in the season, will return with full force to win back your affection and restore my honor! Ha! Avast, ye devils of my literary spirit, thou shalt be vanquished by the words of greatness (Get it? “Words” is an anagram of “sword!”). Attend! and Witness.

Apparently, I have not posted since November 18th, 2012. It being February 5th, 2013, this is inexcusable. So, I have too many stories to recount satisfactorily in a single post. I will therefore simply waste a post in the condensed recording of the events that transpired between November 18-30.

I don’t remember much about the end of November. It was the end of my first semester here in Korea and all of us teachers were trying to prepare ourselves for the transition. At the beginning of December we were losing a number of esteemed colleagues – Craig, Mike, and Haru (2 foreign teachers and a Korean administrative person, respectively) – and were starting a new semester full of new students, new rules, new placements, and new expectations. So, the last few weeks of November passed smoothly: using the weekdays to shape the multi-cultural leaders of tomorrow, using the weekends to blow off stress. As I recall, I got heavily into the TV show Castle around this time, as well as several other tv series and movies. Actually, I know this to be true because a severely distressing incident occurred in the midst of a Castle episode – my beloved of four and a half years, my MacBookPro, died. Turned into a brick and would not start again. So, I bought a new computer the following weekend (A Toshiba satellite with better specs than my Mac for only $400!) and made plans to fix my Mac when I could. That was a fun trip with Andrew, as I recall, and I am mighty pleased with the solution, all things considered (although I do plan on returning to the realm of Mac as soon as I can afford it). Pretty uneventful, but still exciting.

Oh wait, you know how I am less than enthused about the “sport” of golf? Do you know how I’ve never done anything more professional than minigolf in my life? Well Korea has something fascinating:

Look at that form!

Oh yeah, screen golf! For $20 you can buy a round of 9 holes, bring your own booze, food, and extra entertainment if you so desire. Phil, Chris, Andrew, Josh, Jesse, and I played a full round, watched Caddyshack, drank a little, and ended up somewhere between 20-40 over par. Yay.

“But, Jon!” you squeal into your screen, “What about Thanksgiving!” Well, I must admit, Koreans don’t do Thanksgiving the way Americans do, so we didn’t really celebrate. A couple foreign teachers decided that we would go out for a nice meal on Saturday at the “best restaurant” in Cheongju – VIPS. It’s a steak place that is apparently one of the most expensive in Cheongju at $25 a plate. I had planned to join them, but was laid low by a little illness and could not join them. Sad for me, I know. Aside from that, the month wrapped up smoothly. If I can’t remember anything big, I guess nothing happened. My facebook doesn’t offer any evidence to the contrary either. Feel free to correct me if you can recall.

Hope you liked November. Onto December posts!

All apologies

I’m sorry…

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears, for I am abased in your eyes and must offer my person up for judgment. It has been over two months since my last missive, which means I have failed you and broken your trust. Indeed, it is with a heavy heart and downcast eyes that I stand before you in digital form, pleading my case for one more opportunity to regale you as I did before: To sing to you of vaunted towers in Seoul, to confide in you in manners of business, and to conspire with you in the plans of life yet unseen. Ah, such a life as I can share. Lifting back the curtains with a hesitant hand, I can give you (only you, I so solemnly swear) a glimpse of the vista beyond. Perhaps you’d like to hear the tales from days of yore when men were men… and… and… we’ll that’s another story for another time. Instead, if my grovelling has successfully warmed the cockles of your heart for sufficient pity to steal into your veins and stay your hand from execution…! Well, then I see no need for me to continue on this course of unceasing deprecation and can return triumphant to the more important matters at hand.

As forgiven as the babe who wanders lost in the forest, so I shall be. As repentant as the sinner reborn, so shall I be. As loquacious as the great orators of old, so shall I endeavor. Excelsior!

Please, dear friends, let us dwell on this triviality no more. Nay, let us redouble our efforts to comingle our lives instead, for the very essence of life is that ephemeral spirit of contact. Huzzah! New posts shall abound!

Seoul survivor

As it has been a while since my last posts, I have many things to talk about. As that would result in a massive post longer than you have time to read, I am forced to edit down the most salacious details into nonexistence and include only the most boring incidents in my report. Indeed, clinical and dispassionate it shall be in its conveyance.

On the weekend of the 10th and the 11th, I undertook a lovely journey with Andrew to the bustling metropolis of Seoul. I had been to New York, LA, Istanbul, and Cairo, but I did not know what to expect from the 2nd largest metropolis of the world: Seoul. Ah, the thriving megacity of over 25 million people! Not the largest city in Asia, but considering Tokyo… Well, eventually I’ll just have to make it there too now won’t I? Andrew had done this many times before, as had most of my coworkers, but I had not and that needed to be rectified. So invigorated, we designed to leave Saturday morning on the bus to Seoul to see as much as possible before hitting the night life and taking the first bus back to Cheongju on Sunday morning. A day of sightseeing and a night of carousal?! What ever could come from that?

Hey, what could happen?!

Yeah, that’s Andrew looking like the New Yorker he is. Silly guy doesn’t know what’s goin on half the time. The other half of the time he tells you the wrong thing! Hah! But he was my traveling buddy so I had to entertain his craziness and he had to put up with mine. Unfortunately, as often happens to plans made by the best intentions, we kind of got a late start on Saturday (1:45 PM bus is never too late, right?), which quickly eliminated many of the items on our list of things to do. Considering the 1:45 departure time, the 3:45 arrival time in Seoul, and the sun setting at 5:30, there truly wasn’t much time at all for such visitations to the War Museum, wander the downtown, see the big stores, and so forth. Instead, we suffered the abbreviated version.

Upon arriving in Seoul, we decided to use the remaining day light to see the ’88 Olympic Park. Conveniently, there was a subway stop at the bus station. Inconveniently, we needed to change lines twice before making it to the Olympic Park. I’m really glad that Andrew was with me to help me navigate the subway since I had almost no idea what was going on. There was a steady flow of people wending their ways between automated ticket booths and automated turnstiles, clutching their cellphones and bags with almost nary a glaze lifted upwards to determine their paths. I’m sure a study of this humanity’s ebb and flow would have revealed the necessary steps for travel along the subway, but it was so much easier to simply have Andrew push me up to the automated ticket booth and show me what to do. Whereas many subways I’ve used before required you to either buy a paper ticket to get through the turnstile or buy a chargeable card (Charlie Card, for instance), in Seoul you can use your bank card. Amazing! You can simply charge your bank card (using your bank card?) to then use your bank card to use the Seoul Subway. It’s your pass! You don’t even have to take it out of your wallet as you go through the turnstile, just touch your wallet to the designated area and it’ll scan it in and you can walk through! The wonders of modern technology…

I still don’t think I know how to use this correctly…

After that quick admission, we proceeded down the steps to our train hoppings. As we walked down I noticed the picture you see on your right. I assumed it was a gutter for carrying water swiftly down the stairs, but was unsure. Bewildered by that little gutter, I was quickly disabused of my sordid visions about lines of men peeing against the stairs by a couple carrying bicycles down the stairs ahead of us. (If you couldn’t piece that together, the “gutter” is actually a little pathway for people to carry bicycles up and down the stairs of the subway, look at you learning!) Indeed, it makes more sense from a sanitary perspective to have people use a bathroom for urinating and that pathway for bicycles. How I didn’t see it before perplexes me…

Op op! Freezer styles!

Aside from that little speed bump, we saw the ubiquitous Psy hawking his wares. If you are unaware of Psy, go ask someone about Gangnam Style and watch their response (I encourage you to start guffawing at their dance moves). This lovely display I captured in digital image is Psy (the one dancing/eating in all the frames) selling Samsung’s new refrigerator/freezer combination unit. I’m just happy I can understand this advertising considering everything I heard about “Asian marketing” making no sense with loud noises and insane animations. Still, lesson to learn: this man is everywhere. Don’t believe me? Go to any Korean website and see who is on the front page in at least five different places…

Well, I’ve stalled long enough before showing you more pictures, so here is the lovely Olympic Park:

The grand esplinade!

I guess this isn’t racist?

At least the bells were fully interactive, though the hammers were not…

Don’t know what this display was along the side of the esplinade…

This was some kind of large “U”/ scimitar/??? at the end of the esplinade in the middle of the stadiums. Only thing really worth a picture, really.

A Happy Box! What happens inside?

The aquatic center.

That’s it! We had an hour to wander, no more, but we got to see a little of the park. Not much to describe: no one was there and nothing was really happening.

After the park we headed into Itaewon (the “foreigner” district) for a bite to eat and begin bar hopping. Andrew and I got some tasty burgers and some dinner entertainment from the group of ten military men and women at the next table over. By entertainment, I mean that they were loud and disparaging towards Korea while showing their general ignorance on many things. Now I understood why there is a curfew for American military personnel…

After dinner, we entered a Canadian bar to begin our hopping. A quick beer and off to the Hongdae (big bar area)! At the Hongdae we met such intelligent signs as:

You see? It’s Feiday! and it’s only female. Shucks, I wanted to meet Tequila…

Japanese Style Icing…? Something must have been lost in translation…

Also, we had a brief rendezvous with culture here in the street. There was a small tent set up with posters from the Cannes film festival I think. Very interesting things, but I could not get great pictures. This is the only one I could get:

International culture!

Enough with the culture, lets get back to the festivities! Two small last games to play. 1) Guess which of the following drinks is mine?

Which drink is mine?

For all of you who know me, yes indeed I did have an “Orgazm” in public. 2) Have you ever seen a gin and tonic under black light? We went to a club where I got to see such a spectacle.

Jordan told us about a glowing beer at Bonnaroo and now I show you Glowing G&T…

Pretty awesome! Dancing, drinking, and camaraderie to pass the evening, ending with a subway trip back to the bus station at 5 AM for some Burger King for breakfast. True, a Bulgogi burger may not be the best choice of a breakfast food (it’s not mine either), but it was the only thing cheap/open at 5:45 AM. Then we boarded the bus at 6:45 and closed the weekend chapter on Seoul. Ah, I must revise the previous statement. I received a phone call from my parents who were partying it up in The Grove at Ole Miss with the Harris and Swartz families for the Vandy-Ole Miss football game. So it was lovely to talk to them before passing out on the bus ride home. Whew. Quite a big trip, hm? First trip to Seoul? Done! Who’s in for the next one?

Society and Korea!

Well well. It certainly has been a most eventful few weeks. Perhaps first and foremost I should say that it has ever been my intention to mimic the prodigal sons of old to go abroad and seek my fortune. Indeed, the reason I accepted my current position was not for the chance to experience a new culture, language, and job field, but for the vast sums of money I accrue every pay cycle. As such, I wanted to show you a glimpse of the riches I have gained in my short time here:

MADE IT MA! TOP OF THE WORLD!

Ah, the riches of the Orient. What do I do with my millions, you ask? I spend only what is necessary to cover my modest living expenses – food, bills, weekend festivities, and my phone bill. Ah, what’s that? You didn’t know I got a phone? Interesting. Looks like I couldn’t call you with that info, hmm? Whose fault is that? Well. I am the proud new owner of a cell phone here in Korea equipped with all the latest in technology. I have the lightning 4GLTE, I have a camera, I can use apps, and it even, yes even, makes phone calls and texts. Wow. Astounding! So, if you need to reach me, please download the Viber app and call me at +82 010 9418 6493. Or download the app and send me your number and I’ll get in contact with you. Now I am woven back into the social fabric and able to take on the world!

Part of taking on the world involves experiencing Korean culture. You know that I have already done some more traditional/historical cultural events, but I also have an obligation to the current Korean society. So, on Saturday night I got to cross off a very Korean item off my list. I have never played Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty, I have never been to a PC Room for gaming, and I have never played against Koreans in videogames. Well… Hadn’t ever…

Daniel setting up Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty. We totally kicked @$$!

MWUHAHAHA! Protoss!

We had gone out for Josh’s birthday on Saturday night to a little conveyor-belt sushi place called “Fun Fish,” but had some time to kill between dinner and hitting the bars.

Fun Fish. Ryan (l) and Andrew (r) were excited at least…

In that hour of time, I joined a Korean coworker – Daniel – in finding something to do. Side note, Daniel has led a pretty interesting life. He is in his early 30s and just came back to Korea from 10 years in Canada where he studied and worked. In his earlier days at the tail end of university, he was a video game tester (Need for Speed Undercover!) and is still heavy into the video games. That’s what made this all relevant – him, time to kill, going to a PC Room – and worth recounting. So, he set up another account and had us gaming in the limelight…

Strike that one off the list. I’ve gamed with a Korean on Starcraft II in a PC Room. And. We. Won. Oh, by “we” I mean that the entire UI was in Korean and Daniel had to tell me what to do for the most part. Pretty awesome stuff, I know! Now I just need to go to a tournament…

KB Stars!

I meant to give you all pictures of my latest exploits. “Meant to” because I went to use my camera and found that it wasn’t working. Not a blip of light, not a sound of whirring gears. Therefore, in my newly saddened state, I must beg mercy of you for another boring post sans pictures. To be honest, this post, more than all others, needs pictures.

Kay-Bee Star-zuh!

For the past two Sundays, I have been meaning to join a coworker of mine – Chris – in attending the first games of the KB Stars. Such prowess! Multitudes of athletic displays! Solid gameplay fundamentals! Oh, what sport is it? Why, it’s women’s basketball! To see Cheongju’s own KB Stars (pronounced Kay-Bee Suh-tar-juhs) play the-other-team-that-I-don’t-know! Well, on the 4th, I finally made it.

I met up with Chris and Craig around 5:45 for a taxi ride to the stadium, prepared with nothing more than 5,000 W for my ticket and a readiness to experience some Korean culture. We got there a little after tip-off and looked at awe at the Cheongju stadium. This is the only picture of it that I could find on Google:

Blastoise! Use Telescope!

However, when I get a chance, I’ll find a way to take a better picture and post in on this blog. As you can see, it looks like cross between Blastoise’s shell and an observatory dome sitting on a panoply of stairs, painted somewhere between forest and regular green, and squats in the depressing aura of most buildings made in the 1950s and 60s. As we walked up the expansive stairs, cheesy arena music and rip-offs of 80s rock tunes filtered through the sounds of traffic and light rain. Buying tickets was fairly easy and went without a hassle since Craig went up, simply said something that was printed on a board next to the window and “saegae” (which means 3, if talking about items/units/pieces), then handed over 15,000 W. Now with paid admittance, the three of us ascended yet more stairs to the entrance. Light rain, darkness of the evening cloaking us, slight chill penetrating our clothes, and a quick comment about how “Everything, even the ticket windows, about this place looks like a prison” (Craig) propelled us into the arena.

As stated, we arrived a little after tip-off and made our way to some seats where we would have comfortable views of the spectacle that unfolded in front of us. There wasn’t a bad seat in the house! To be fair, I think Elon’s basketball court holds more people, so not much of a comparison. However, we got a great vantage point on which to perch and I got a chance to look around the venue and take appraisal of my first Korean sporting event. The first thing I noticed was the the crowd. There couldn’t have been more than a thousand people there, but they were evenly distributed across all ages and everyone was very enthusiastic! We had those silly thunder-sticks with “KB STARS!” printed on them (gray lettering on yellow, great color scheme) and smacked them together all the time for cheers such as *Boom* *Boom* “DE-PENSUH!” Perhaps I should explain that. In Korean, there is no “f” sound and Korean does not end on the “s” sound. So, the closest thing is a hard “P” sound and “suh.” It sounds funny to me, but it is tres enjoyable to shout. So our side of the arena was populated by the supporters of the KB Stars (KB is a bank, so I guess the teams are named after companies?) and we were very raucous in our support of the local team. The game was full of the shenanigans you’d expect at a HS game: dropped passes, some traveling, questionable play calls, some frustration, and overall “oh that’s… great… basketball” moments.

The next thing I noticed was that it is the 50th anniversary of the KB Stars team (supposedly). According to the graphics that were displayed on the Jumbotron (not Jumbo by American standards), the KB Stars have been around since 1963. So in a few months, they will be in their 50th year! A woman’s sports team that is half a century old! Amazing!

The game was quite interesting to watch. There are 10 minute quarters and the game lasted under 2 hours, so not too bad on time and well worth the 5,000 W ($4.85?). The final score was 56-54, KB Stars defeating the Whatever-they-were-called, and the largest lead was 5 points. However, there were some good drives, some hard fouls, a couple flared tempers, and even impressive shots (a couple big threes and some nice behind-the-head-lay-ups). While I’m sure these girls could absolutely destroy me at basketball and being generally athletic/physically fit, I would say that they played on par with a college team back State-side. I’d like to see Elon take them on just to see how it turns out (and to say that I actually ever went to an Elon basketball game). The best players for the KB Stars were #10 Byeon Yeon Ha and #15 Jung Seong Hwa (I think). Byeon Yeon Ha was the Kobe of the team and #15 was the tall rebounder/blocker who was a dominating presence on the court.

The most interesting things happened off the court/during breaks. During some time-outs, the cheerleaders and the mascots would perform little routines and launch stuff into the stands: T-shirts, basketballs, an energy drink called Pocari Sweat (explanations to come at another time/another post when I try it), and even a take-out dinner from a place called VIPS. As Chris would say, we got “Hella” into trying to get the cheerleaders to give us stuff, seeing as we are their biggest fans from overseas… Craig actually managed to get the packaged dinner from VIPS, which contained chicken nuggets, fries, salad, pineapple, and some chocolate dessert. Otherwise, the mascots did the Gangnam Style dance (it’s ubiquitous, there’s no escape), the cheerleaders did some floor routine and were really peppy, and there was this dude in a ruffled shirt in the crowd or led us in a lot of cheers. Entertainment! So we got to watch some athletics, chat, experience some Korean culture, and we got some free stuff! Pretty successful. Hopefully I’ll have an image-capturing device when I go again and I can get you all some great pictures to back-fill this story with information and context for you.

Oh, I highly recommend you coming to see me so that you can come catch some Korean culture for yourself. Now that I’ve been to a women’s basketball game, my list consists of the following: baseball, soccer, volleyball?, and video game tournament/convention. I’m definitely going to get a camera for those…

Gamer!

Remember that part where I told you that I was becoming an amateur game developer? Yeah, I’m sure I mentioned it in my post about how I was starting these online courses, one of which is on Python Programming. In fact, if I recall correctly, I also promised that I would share some of the games that I developed with you all to prove that you can teach an old dog new programming languages (even ones who hate math and mix metaphors). I could try to make stuff up and tell you about about things I don’t know, but I do that enough that I’ll just let you read about Python on Wikipedia and you can do your own searches from there on (actually I just have no idea what it is). Suffice to say, I am learning basic functions and trying to create little games. It has only been two weeks for me, so I can’t really say that I’ve done anything exciting, but I have completed several assignments and felt that maybe I could share them with you if you want to waste a minute of time.

First, this course uses a version of Python that has been compiled by the professors of the course, which is located for free and open use at CodeSkulptor.org. If you feel so inclined, you can even just click through that (use the docs section) to find code and try and fit it all together. My “programs” (term used loosely here) only work in this Python host/website-thingy. Forgive my awkward stumblings as these new fangled technologies and computers are new to me. I’ll give you a brief run-down of how to interact with CodeSkulptor so you can actually run these programs without getting too frustrated. The left side, where you see all the text is where the codes go that will eventually make a program or game. The right side is where much of the code will print out (most of the time). You have to hit the play button in the upper left-hand side of the text box to actually run the code and the return arrow (last one in that row) will stop the code. Just worry about those two buttons, the code window, and the read-out window. Again: play button starts the program, the return arrow stops the program, look at the right side of the display to see what’s going on.

Ok, so I’ll lead with my first program: rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock. This plays a game of rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock like on Big Bang Theory (my professors are total NERDS!). You input your guess at the bottom where you see rpsls(“text”). Make sure you input your guess between the quotes and exactly as it appears at the top of the program. Right now I can only code games so that words have to exactly match. If you capitalize something incorrectly or add a space or misspell something, the game will stop and you’ll end up panicking. Great, now you think I’m an idiot because you messed up… Figures. So input a guess and see some words pop up in the read-out on the right. Just keep hitting that play button at the top of the left side and you start a new game. If you want to play multiple games at once, just copy and paste (or type in) rpsls() and put your guess in quotation marks between the parentheses. The read-out will run each game separately and print out your results! Awesome!!! Yay! You played a game I created!

My second game didn’t work out so well (failed miserably, that one did), so I’m going to skip straight to the one I created today: The Stopwatch Game. This game is so much more advanced than the rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock game. The first thing you’ll notice is a pop-up with a big black box and three buttons on the left. This is a graphic user interface and I created it (Oooooooh boooooyyy!) Not too flashy, but I don’t need to be to impress you, you already are impressed. Ha! This game you don’t need to see the right-side read-out window next to the code. All you need to see is the pretty display with the buttons and the black canvas with pretty white letters. This game is fairly simple: try and stop the stopwatch on the exact second (1.0, 2.0, 59.0, whatever.0 since you can run this forever, in theory). Hit the ‘Start’ button to start the game and then hit the ‘Stop’ button when you are confident enough that you’ll hit the second on the what-for (mixing metaphors again?)! Each time you hit ‘Stop’ it’ll record a try and you’ll notice the right-hand number in the top left count up by one. If you land on an exact second, you’ll see both numbers increase since it is a try and a win! Congrats! You can’t cheat and land on a second and then keep spamming the ‘Stop’ button to rack up more ‘wins’ since I coded against that (nyah nyah nyah). After you’ve hit stop, you can keep going by just hitting ‘Start’ again. This won’t reset your wins or tries. Or, if you are feeling a little put out and want to start over, just hit ‘Reset’ and that’ll reset all the things.

So those are the games that I’ve made so far. I hope you enjoy sharing my little successes. Pretty soon I’ll be creating the next Morrowind…

Creatings the firsts!

These past two days have been amazing firsts! It all started yesterday when I got my first care package from home. My family was kind enough to send me my absentee ballot, one of my favorite cups (Ole Miss!), garlic salt, and some Twizzlers and Skittles (surprises, both of those candies, but much appreciated). First package!

Today was even more of a great day for firsts! Firstly (Ha!) I used that garlic salt on my eggs this morning and it was more delicious than anything before! Also, I paid my first bill as a resident here in Korea. Now, all I know is that it was a utility bill for 35,750 won (or thereabouts). I’m not sure if it was a water, electricity, or gas bill. Hell, I don’t even know how many utility bills I’ll have, I just know that I have to pay them if I want to enjoy a civilized life. Sorry, no pictures were taken to cast that moment in immortality, so you’ll just have to imagine me as a beaming lad excited by the fact that I’m actually supporting myself (except I’m standing at a Korean bank machine paying a bill I don’t understand a word of instead of sending a check in the mail)! I needed some help with this transaction, which Jesse was so kind to provide: walking me down to the bank (it being on the 1st floor of the same building) and telling me what buttons to press on the machine. I got a receipt saying that my balance was lower after the transaction than before, so I can only assume that I paid the bill. If I disappear in a few weeks and my family starts receiving letters for ransom, then you’ll know that I’m doing this all wrong. In fact, I may be sending money to the wrong people entirely (on the plus side, such consistent and sizable contributions may make me the Korean equivalent of a Don by the time my visa expires).

The other two firsts are actually intertwined. Today, I sent my first letter back to the United States! Phil had to show me where the post office is and we went before school started today. I’d say it was an excellent use of prep time. Having seen the cost of sending a package from the U.S. to Korea, I was expecting something exorbitant. I found out it was roughly 1,250. Won, that is. So roughly $1.13. Now, the item that was so important it necessitated me accidently swiping that on my credit card (yeah, they didn’t tell me the price before I gave them the card) was my absentee ballot! First time voting for President! I don’t know if it’ll get there in time, but I’ve done my civic duty and tried everything I can to make sure that my vote counts (as much as it can in our political system, haha). Yay!

With all of these firsts happening in the past two days, I feel like an actual, human being here in Korea. Now, all I need is my first full paycheck and my first trip around Korea and I’ll have covered all my bases, I think. So this wasn’t much of a post, but it was important to me. Hooray for firsts!

Sh!t My Kids Say Part 1

So my kids have started to amuse me with the little things they say, as I’ve pointed out here. I figured I would start collecting them and putting them down to share with you all. It’s only fair that you get to experience all that I do and get a few laughs out of it too. As Lindsay mentioned, they are “a precocious bunch” and I must add that they love to challenge me in any way they can. Mostly this involves tricking me into saying a bad word in Korean or asking if I know a word in Korean. Never one to suffer insults, I retort with something intelligent about their height or haircut (they all have the same haircut, for the most part). Sometimes I even just ask them questions about things they probably don’t know about, like what “effervescent” means, or what is going on in Syria, or who the Vice President of the United States is. They know the President, so VP is smarter to trip them up… Despite their little moments, they still manage to say things that border between amusing and mortifying. Here are a few, decide on your own where they fall.

I’m now teaching a class called IEWC, which stands for the International English Writing Competition. These are really smart high-school-aged kids who are almost fluent that are going to write timed essays for a competition (HA! NERDS!). The first class I had with them, last Thursday the 25th, we were writing an essay on Intelligence. They had to pick a stance on whether they thought Intelligence is something you are born with or if there are other factors that contribute to an individual’s Intelligence. Both students chose “Other Factors” and started brainstorming examples, details, and other supports. The funny part came when one of the students said that parental teaching styles really mattered. I asked, “How so?” To which she responded, “In class the other day my teacher was talked about how good parents teach good things to the children and they learn good things to make them more smart.”
“Ok, that makes sense(obvious grammar mistakes aside), any examples?”
“Yes. My teacher was talking about the Jewish [sic] whose parents have always teach them to question and think. So the Jews childrens learn this and that is why there are… many… in the world… umm… smart Jews.”
Sheer brilliance, this one. Never have I heard the Jewish tradition summed up so nicely by a Korean kid with such an off-handed air that it was something that is commonly (I can only assume) taught in public school. Blew my mind. I couldn’t stop smiling/chuckling for a good five minutes.

This next one has come up in several classes. On certain days, I have started playing Team Jeopardy with a couple classes to make sure they really understand the material (and so that they can try to win some candy). I never have enough material to fill 5 whole categories, so I borrowed an idea from my coworker Andrew to include a “Random” category. This is usually Avalon-specific stuff. One of the questions I use is, “How many foreign teachers are there up here at Avalon and what are their names?” Well, the kids first get it wrong by guessing anywhere from 5-14 (the answer is 7), but the hilarity ensues when trying to recall all of our names. They can get several very easily: Josh (who they call Ajoshy since that means “old man” in Korean), Phil, Andrew, Jon (me!), and sometimes they call Jesse “Canadian” (He is one of two Canadians up in Avalon… so I guess they’re right?). The problem comes for the other two foreign teachers. After the first time I asked this question in Jeopardy and heard the response, I started to watch in my other classes to see if it was the same across all of them, and I found it was, meaning I think Korean’s are all slightly racist: They stop, look at each other and just start moving one of their hands in a circle around their faces. As if they are covering or wiping it. They don’t ask me anything, but they make this motion and all look at each other with these pained looks on their faces like they don’t know what to say. So I have a class of fourteen little Korean boys and girls in near silence mime-washing their faces for about a minute, looks of consternation on their faces, occasionally rupturing the silence with frustrated grunts and a quick sentence back and forth to find an answer. Eventually one of them usually says, “The guy who… The guy is… His face is…”
“You mean the guy who doesn’t look like Jon Teacher? What do you mean?”
“Teacher! The guy… He *frantic mime-washing of face* not look like Jon-Teacher!”
“He’s black.”
“Yes! Black Teacher!”
“What’s his name?”
“Uh, Teacher, we don’t know!” So you just know he’s black, but can’t say it and don’t want to ask. His name is Chris, by the way.
So after Chris, we always have the last teacher to try and guess. That guessing process isn’t as funny to me, but the answer is since they just say “Girl-people Teacher.” They call Heather “Girl-people Teacher.” Well done, class.

I actually dressed down on Friday and wore a pair of cargo pants (the ones I look damn good in, thank you) and my black polo shirt, untucked. I’m cool like that. During one of my classes, GB210, I had stretched and my undershirt came slightly untucked from my pants. I didn’t expose myself in any way to the class, and it was my side anyways, but they saw the waistband of my boxers. To this, one of the kids, a little snot-head dingus who never pays attention and only disrupts class named “B,” suddenly yelled, “Teacher! I see your panties!”
“Um, what was that, B?”
“Teacher, I saw your panties!”
“B, these are not panties, this is a pair of men’s underwear. Panties is the English word for women’s underwear (in Korean, panties means underwear for both sexes, which I had found out just a few weeks ago, so I was prepared for this).”
“Wait, Teacher are you a this-kind of criminal?” He opened his phone dictionary and started searching while the rest of the class kept laughing. “Teacher, are you a this?” He showed me the translation: sex criminal, rapist.
So my kids think I am a rapist because they saw the top of my boxer waistband. Korea, right?

The final one I am going to post about this week was how two kids in one of my classes, JB 403, have a tendency to be tremendously un-gentlemanly and insult two of the girls. Phill [sic] and Steve are merciless towards Jenny and Chelsea, to the point where Jenny and Chelsea have responded every once in a great while by turning around and delivering a Hulk-smash on one them (Go girls! I mean… no violence in my class!). I am caught in this moral dilemma of letting the girls beat the snot out these bratty boys and having to be a teacher that does not tolerate violence. So whenever I “see” it I chastise the kids and send one of them outside with a stern warning, but I can’t discipline what I can’t see, right? Well, the part about this situation/class that makes this relevant to this post comes in the form of what Phill thinks is an insult. You see, usually everything is said in Korean. However, this week he seemed to translate it into English and just started yelling “Blood hair!” at Jenny. He said this roughly 40 times in the 50 minute class. Just started yelling “Blood hair! Blood hair!” This must be a literal translation from Korean to English since this makes no sense to me. Just crazy 10-year old kids.

I hope you enjoyed this little post and I’ll try to remember all the stuff my kids say from now on.

Election and News about Home

There have been many invasive posts both on my facebook and on my newsfeed about something that may or may not being going on back at home right now. I am now vaguely aware that, just like four years ago around this time, all of my friends are suddenly experts on the political system, the political actors within said system, political ideology, and how to solve all the problems – real and imagined – that our country currently faces. Based on what I’ve seen, people seem to equate the President and Presidential power as the sole determinant of whether or not these problems get solved. Many people also think that political decisions should be decided on one issue and where a candidate stands on one issue, rather than evaluate the entire candidate, his/her philosophy, where that person stands in the political system, and what I would like to call context. Although that might be a little too generous, seeing as many people simply vote by a party or simply their perceptions of what a party is. In addition, everyone in America suddenly “wakes up” and decides to have an opinion (ill informed as it is) and refuses to participate in a calm, reasoned discourse. Rather, most prefer a screaming match, an emphatic contradiction, or, failing that, simply professing blind ignorance of any and all issues in some primeval display of measuring power and influence over your misguided attempts at figuring out these issues on your own. If they simply say something enough times, with enough force, they will enlighten you and bring you to a higher state of being (which actually means they have to force you to agree with them). Clearly this is the only demonstration they can make about how much smarter they are than everyone else. Overall, an unpleasant experience. Also, one that infuriates me. Oh, I do plan on voting as soon as my absentee ballot gets here and I also have a small bet going with a buddy on this election. To be fair, this is my first time being able to vote for President, so I am very excited!

As for trying to find other news of U.S.A., well that is buried somewhere farther underneath all the political. Last I saw, the Giants and the Tigers are in the world series, meaning I care about baseball about as much as I care about the NFL, back-alley bar fights, and the NBA (trick question, since the NBA and bar fights have the same actors and bar fighters have slightly more integrity). I also saw something about the NHL still in a lockout, the economy is still an economy, and everyone and his mother is obsessed with Gangnam Style. I didn’t say that I heard news worth reporting.

As you probably know by this point, the way I get most of my news is through BBC World, Al-Jazeera, Google, Skype, and Facebook. The last two of those are for my “social life” of all you back at home and have been invaluable for alerting me to the most important of details. For example, I found out that Chase and Katie are apparently engaged. That’s huge! Congrats! I also found out that many of my recently-graduated friends went to Elon last weekend for something called a… what was it?… “Homecoming?” Many of you are settling into jobs, or flitting around the world and experiencing life, or knocking the Hell out of grad school. See? I pay attention!

As for news from home, I can share that mom and dad are shopping for houses in Louisville, Kentucky. I don’t know what that necessarily means for our RI residence, but I’ll let you know when I know. I don’t know what is going to happen and I know that I don’t have any control over what happens, but I think it is fascinating that all of this is happening. Well, I find it fascinating that this is one way that I am reminded how life goes on for other people. You mean I’m not the center of everyone’s world and that my consultation isn’t needed for every decision in my family’s life? Inconceivable! Oh how the mighty are brought low! I guess this means that Dad is doing well enough at GE that they plan on staying for a while. As for David, I guess he is still doing well at Elon (no one has told me whether or not he has been “asked to leave and reconsider his life priorities” as President Leo would say). Julia is understanding that college isn’t as easy as I made it look (being the perfect older brother and all), but she is still sticking with it. Oh, and her ACL has healed to the point where she can jog now, even if she can’t do sports. So everyone is alive and healthy (last I heard), we are going through some potential family relocation, and I’m still the favorite child.

Wow, this whole news thing is looking pretty good. To be honest, I only talk with family and people from home about once a week. If I can bring up this almost-dead horse once again, not having a constant means of communicating with you all really inconveniences me. How else am I to learn all these little details about your lives so that I can one day control you? To my coworkers and former professors who are reading this, I promise that I don’t actually do that… If any of my friends from home say otherwise, they are liars! The veritable embodiment of benign non-interference, I am.

The whole point I’m writing this to you is because I’m discovering more and more about the habits I’ve formed. I’ve become more aware of what certain activities and people I valued and relied on before I crossed the Pacific Ocean (first and foremost, my Pulse app. After that? Probably just the ability to text Teagan about the video games we were playing in the rooms next to each other). That cliché about “not knowing what you got ’till it’s gone” holds true, I guess. Still, it’s amazing that suddenly not having something can reveal little things about who you are. My desire to stay current on news was very strong for the last year I was in the States, but I didn’t really care about talking with friends. Not that you were boring, just it all seemed stupid with the “Oh, guess who XYZ slept with this past weekend?” and “I hate my Biz-Econ-Ethics-of-Self-Congratulations-We-Made-a-PPT-All-By-Myself-(and my groupmates) Class.” Now go five weeks where your primary means of communication is facebook and realize that you have more free time than Willy at the end of his movie… Suddenly I want to know what life is like in Boston working as a bean counter, or in Raleigh as a geek, or back at Elon as a nerd (Ha! NERD!), or in X-City at Y-University going for your Master’s with your part-time job. Conversely, if I look at a news site for more than fifteen minutes I lose interest.

Basically, we live in a developed world of (at least potential) constant interaction through internet and cell phones. Many people like to go off the grid for a little while and get away from it all if they feel hounded by this constant interaction. Others thrive on having their hands on the pulse. I’m finding that I may be one of those in-betweeners: I won’t use it most of the time, but I like the option there if the mood strikes me. I want to be able to directly contact the people I’m thinking of, not wait for a scheduled Skype date or a response to an email or facebook post. Call me pushy. If, while reading this, you are struck by a sense of guilt at having not updated me on the news of your life, maybe you could get on that? Maybe send me an email? Facebook? Comment on the blog? I’m not hearing a noOOoo… *WooooOOOOP woop woop woop woop woop wooop*

Burnt Dog, New Tricks

I have been a little confused lately because of two conflicting phrases: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks and Learning is a lifelong endeavor. As you may or may not know, I don’t consider myself blessed with anything approaching a fully functional brain, especially as it concerns memory (hint: no memory). However, I want to learn more about everything in life (I’ve referenced all the languages, skills, musical instruments, and general information in another post) and I don’t know how feasible it all is. Between these two innocuous sayings and my ripe old age of 21, what am I to think about possibly educating myself in all the things I’ve never done before? Can I learn anything new? Sure I can try to keep mentally active by doing crossword puzzles and the like, but I’m more and more curious about whether or not I have used up all my limited brain capacity to learn on the boring stuff from school. I guess I got thinking about this the other week when I went to a seminar about how to teach at Avalon. I can’t say that I understood most of what they were talking about (or I thought it was stupid, not sure which one), but I do want to learn how to teach. This teaching stuff is all uncomfortably unfamiliar to me and I wish there was some way to make it all easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.

You would think that based on those sentiments I would try to learn something useful: how to manage kids, various teaching pedagogies, what nerves you can hit for non-lethal takedowns for class control, etc. You get the idea. (Un)Fortunately, a coworker of mine, Heather, recently shared a lovely site called coursera.org where professors from “Top Universities” in the world offer free classes about various topics, ranging from the introductory to the advanced. Inspired by my recent brush with intellectual insecurity and beginning to feel that maybe watching whole seasons of shows in a day or two isn’t the best use of my time (I still stand by my decision to watch Better off Ted, Newsroom, Supernatural Season 7, and Beast Wars Transformers, though – Castle is queued up next), this website suggestion seemed a curious coincidence, nay – a conspiracy!

Thusly seized by the moment (I must admit that I didn’t seize it, nor The Day), I browsed the catalog and signed up for several courses. The first class I joined started on October 15 (so I started a week late, big whoop) and covers an introduction to the Python programming language. Yeah, pretty cool stuff, right? I figured, “Hey, I got a good handle on SAS in three months, I can get a good handle on Python in the same amount of time. Plus, I can make myself silly little games and learn more about math!” Ok, I wasn’t as excited about the math part, but I like to think that I am quite logical and that I can understand equations. Did I forget to mention that I’m awesome and a genius, possessing so much awesome inside that a lesser man would burst? So this should be easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy! Well then I started taking the class. Let’s just say that Python is not Awesome and clearly is immiscible with Awesome. But Awesome ever prevails, it never falters, so I’ll keep you updated on my progress and blow your minds with the programs I create as I make them. Feel free to bow before me when you see them. Or if you are so awesome that you already defeated the evil Python (HA!), then please share your tale, wizened warrior, with a young challenger (a.k.a. *gulp* help?)

I also signed up for a course on Community Change in Public Health and a course in Cryptology. The Community in Public Health is an homage to my college studies in public policy and public administration, something I did fairly well at. Might as well keep current (and the course is taught by a professor from John’s Hopkins, so it can’t be too bad) and take a course that plays to my strengths (read as “not math”). That class just started a few days ago and I feel pretty solid in it. The Cryptology course starts in a week and a half and is something that I think would be really cool (although, again, math and equations – yuck). I hope I don’t stretch myself too thin over the next few weeks. I do have to stay on top of my actual schoolwork (at my job), keeping in touch with everyone at home, a social life, sleep, and improving myself in order to be the most Awesome person ever (I got my eye on you Barney Hakeem-Olajuwon-Thomas-Jefferson-NPH-Tesla Stinson!). One of those will slip, and I’ll just use it as an impetus to find purpose in life (I got my eye on you Barney Hakeem-Olajuwon-Thomas-Jefferson-NPH-Tesla Stinson!). Yes, I repeated that.

Awesome with a side of awesome?

I highly encourage everyone to check out the coursera.org site if they have the time. Maybe you’ll find something interesting! Join me in learning ALL THE THINGS! *Achem* Please, join me in discovering all that life has to offer through your own gifts and talents.